Tuesday, August 21

#65. two one eight nine

Today, this post is gonna be different and by far one of the longest post I ever written since I started blogging. I'm going to tell a story you guys have been dying to know or perhaps just waiting for eagerly. Most of you guys know something but clearly none of you guys know everything.
As a couple, things always happen, be it happy or sad, it's just part of the cycle whereby nobody can predict what happen next and hope for the best.


Three years ago in April, I saw this boy ( can't really call him a guy since we were young back then). The thing is, it's not like we were introduced or something, NO. I just saw him there, at the bus stop outside my house at 7+ in the morning while sending my mum to the MRT station before going to school. He is just there waiting for the bus and that caught my attention, i don't know how but it just did.
Didn't think much of it until two weeks later, the same scene just appear in my mind again. I went to search through the year book and found his name and the weird thing is, he was in my MT class all along and I didn't know, this is how unnoticeable his actions were to me in the past.
Then I told one of my friends and I happen to find out that he is in the same class as one of my other friend and some girl guide mates. I somehow got his number through friends and friends of those friends or so, it's too long to explain so I hope you got the idea. I didn't even know why I wanted the number though, I guess it just happened.


Well, quite a number of humans already know that I kinda fancy him even though I didn't know him at that point of time plus I guess he knows it too just that nobody made the first move or so. Some came and ask but I just smiled it off and denied it at some point due to the constant questioning that got annoying.
So we texted awkwardly and I somehow texted his friend whom I have supposedly knew since a long time ago but forgotten. It was really awkward and till today I don't understand what I was doing at that point in time for actually liking ( OMG don't even know is it I like or just wanna be friends ) a schoolmate that is somewhat a stranger to me.


Every afternoon I would text him and be on cloud nine when he reply. Somehow we didn't text throughout the whole of June holiday yet I was totally ok and he didn't even appear in my mind but still I continued texting him once school reopen. THIS IS HILARIOUS FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Anyway, i think I ask him for stead ( we where in 2009 back at that time, cut me some slack, stead was the lingo in the past ) before? And it would always revolve around I am not a good boy or not good enough those type of words. It was heartbreaking as I got friend zoned but I dumbly continued texting him all the time. There was once I purposely forgot to bring my textbook and borrowed it from him just so that I can give him a note in return. OMG I FEEL SO SHY. I asked his classmate to give it to him for me and I still remember him telling me that his classmates where giggling when he return back to class and he didn't know why till he look under his table ( we have our own tables back then and have to arrange them according to where we sit ) and found what I wrote for him. My friends once prank called him during lesson hours and they panicked when he picked up so they threw me the phone and I was pondering whether to say something or just end it.


We had JVS sports day afterwards i went with my girls for a movie. I texted him on the way and i still remember that because of some issues i cried and was really sad but the misunderstandings cleared at the end. ITS REALLY DUMB AND EMBARRASSING SO IM NOT GONNA SAY IT OUT, IT SHALL STAY HIDDEN. Then came along 18th, that date was pretty saddening because of memories from 2008 and I was totally emo-ing back then, didn't even have the mood to text and I remember telling him to just let me be for the day.
So I was asked to go for a movie with him and his friends, back then i was feeling jelly about this issue of him and a girl from his primary school ( he was going to go on a date with her weeks ago and despite feeling bitter I encouraged him to go and treat her well since he told me he was going to ask her to be his girlfriend but he didn't go for the date in in the end and I was really happy but only after we were together then I know it's fake ) so I ask him why he didn't ask her instead yet he told me his friends ask him to ask me or something like that. OMG, FEEL SO DRAMATIC.
Asked my friends if I should go and got different answers like it could be because he just wanted to show off since he rejected my second attempt at being more than friends ( I was persuaded to give up ) or he really wanted me to go. Anyway, I said yes in the end.


Met him at the bus stop which I was saw him and he was late or rather I was early and we made our way to Jurong Point to watch a movie that I had already watched with my girls but still because I was asked out by him I felt happy and that alone was enough.
I was acting like I was busy and was constantly texting even during the movie. He asked me if I was cold and guess what, I said one of the cheesiest line ever, " if you hug me I won't be cold ". WTF I AM SO GOING TO BANG A WALL NOW.
His face turned red as we walk to Safra and yet he told me its because its hot but at the end he said it was because he was shy we were walking together. MAD CUTE I SWEAR. Had to head home cause mum called and he wanted to send me home yet I agreed without thinking ( for the first time I said ok, really hated having people send me home in the past ). I asked him why his friend kept calling me his stead ( we weren't together at that point of time and I was just pressurizing him in hope for it to be real ) and guess what he say " cause I want you to be my stead ". MY FACE TURN RED AND I JUST KEEP GIGGLING TO MYSELF LIKE SOME PSYCHOTIC WOMAN.


My mum knew about our relationship and didn't really do much about it even though she doesn't really approve of it but she didn't want me to be sad either yet for my dad, nobody told him anything and he act like he doesn't know even though he does. My dad would get pissed if he saw me with him and he is constantly overreacting when I return home after lepak-ing ( I have really strict parents that till today expect me to ask permission to head out and inform them where I'm going and with who plus set rules to return home by ten, if I'm not home by nine they would start spamming my phone ).


Our relationship was pretty nice I guess, he would always send me home everyday, text me 24/7 and he would talk on the phone with me every night. We often go on dates to the library ( we were schooling and having exams so not much choice left ok ) even with my friends or catch a movie or something.
I was a bad girlfriend though, I would always pick quarrels over little things and I was always really stubborn so things have to go my way if not I would throw tantrums. Once, I totally ignored his text for the whole day because I was angry and at the same time I happen to have competition on but I was totally ok after that. I always complaint to him about my day and rant about everything yet he ditch dota and maple every time just to reply me asap or talk with me on the phone till wee hours.


He doesn't hang around girls just to make me feel insecure neither does he put his friends first but instead he placed me way before everything. He would buy me things to eat just because I say I feel like having it and send it over to my place. He accompanied me for chick flicks and caught every twilight saga together.
He always updates my old blog for me even though I actually can do it myself just that I'm lazy. Times when I go for holidays are times when he would be really happy if by chance we get to talk on fb or when I update my blog on my own and he gets to read it.
We started sticking together everyday in school because we ended up in the same class and I started ditching all my friends ( I FEEL SO BAD DITCHING THEM AND LOST QUALITY TIME TOGETHER ) and he started ditching his just for me. He once cooked fried rice for me and trust me, it taste really awesome back then.


He used to work at Macs and on every big occasion like my birthday or out anniversary, he would have something for me. On my birthday, I got daledale ( this really huge Chip N Dale character that is sold in minitoons ) and on our first anniversary, I got this bouquet of flowers that consisted of 21 roses and other flowers that is really pretty.
He was really a very good boyfriend ( my friends say so to ) to the fact that even though I mention his name really softly he can still hear it as though he knows that I'm calling him. He is forever taking care of me no matter what. We once planned our future together and it wasn't even me who initiated it.


His friends once told me that he was labelled as Mr goodguy and even I got to admit its true. They too said that whenever we quarrel, his mood would be different and things would be different for our quarrels affected him too much. Every time I hear this, I swear I promise myself to cherish him more for he would be a guy i will regret letting go because he showed that i was important but always, every single time i forget. WTF STM MOMENT.
I was nice too ok but in a way nobody knew. Well I'm saying this here probably because nobody but I know the story. I ended tuition and he came to pick me even though I rejected cause we were quarreling before out anniversary but the main reason was I have decided to meet my friend to get her help to prepare my anniversary present for him. In the end he ran away cause I kept telling him that i was going to go home on my own even though I know I ain't. He just ran away and left me there, for the first time ever I was scared. I purposely took a longer route bus just cause it would pass by his house and I cried on the bus. FIRST TIME EVER AND I FEEL SO PAISEH SAYING IT OUT NOW, OMG SHOOT ME.


Good times are short. Our quarrels soon starting to revolve around the word break up and once again it's my fault. IT'S TOO LATE TO REGRET ONCE DAMAGE IS DONE. I always acted his mum, asking him to tell me who he is and where he is at ( come to think of it I treated him like how my dad treated me ) plus made it a point for him to fetch me home and talk on the phone every night ( bad habits die hard ). I soon got too annoying ( got to admit that he help made me this way too ) and it just snapped on that one particular day.
It came to a point that we started talking about breaking up and stuff but still I was stupid to not know what was going on and kept throwing my tantrums. Well we went through a lot of drama and it took a really long time before we actually broke up and it was really heartbreaking, it took a lot of effort to concentrate on studying for the fact that Os are just a month or more away.


We remained friends but it's just another way of saying "i don't mind having you in my life but please act like we don't know each other and we shouldn't even contact anymore." I got to hear a thousand different reasons to why he wanted to be together in the first place, i got to understand how much of an impact i made in his life when aliens ( those whom i shouldn't name ) constantly bring up the past or keep asking about my life ( as though I'm suppose to die once I'm alone or be in misery or depression ) , i found out about all those crap which happened in between which is related to who planned by who but most importantly i found out what he really meant to me despite taking this long to figure it out. DON'T MISINTERPRET AND WHY YOU JUDGING ME IS IT?


This is most of the important parts of the story, I'm not gonna talk much about the whole story of the break up ( its really long and I'm tired from typing already :b ) as most people know about that drama already and since I'm the one involved I would have a biased view but through this whole year, everyone started telling me the truth and their point of view on this story which made me realise one thing. What I thought at the first place was actually pretty correct and felt by others too, sadly he doesn't get it and it won't change anything now. One year has passed already, got to admit that despite shit happening, life goes on. :-)

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with luv, xoxo